Peace

I am out like a fat kid at dodge ball.  I love you all like distant relatives.  Maybe one day, I will turn up on another blog.  But for now, I jut don't have the time.  Peace. 

F is friday

The little day that sucked. 

I worked all day,

I have no play

and never give a fuck. 

I want to write my blog sometimes

but sleep is so much better. 

I want to laugh and read their shit

and get my shit together. 

But shitty rhymes

and random times

are what we have to weather. 

Wow, I am really fucking tired to let that one slip through. 

No, really I am fucking exhausted.  I just finished my week out.  I worked over 14 hours today.  I love my job...but sometimes I need a fucking nap. 

If I didn't have to get up at 5 in the fucking morning to be back at work I probably wouldn't even be complaining right now.  But overall my job rocks.

Now, I have had some suck ass jobs in the past.

I come from a poor working class family.  And when you are a teenager, being broke sucks.  So, I did what I had to do. 

I asked my sister to get me a job where she was working.  Ok fine, truth be told I can't remember if she asked me if I wanted the job or whatever.  But this is my fucking story so stop calling me the fuck out....aight?

Fuck where was I? Oh yeah, I got a job working at a golf course. 

Sounds nice right?

Fuck that. I was a bus boy and dishwasher.  I had to clean up after rich white people and their fucking kids.  And...I knew some of the kids.  Hell, one of them was a girl in my class who I had a crush on.  I could see her at the pool sometimes...when I was taking out the trash. 

And...my boss was this sour old fucker from the navy with one leg....holy shit I worked for a pirate.   Bwahahahaha.  Anyway, he really was an asshole, but he wasn't too bad.  He usually left pretty early and we had to close down the place.  We being my sister and her friend (an old family friend) and her boyfriend (who was  a cook) and I (I have no idea if this is grammatically correct or not and I am too tired to care (well then why did I bring it up ( hey asshole, get back to the story, you need sleep))). 

Anywhoodle, one of those nights we were closing up the club we (mainly my sister and Linda (the friend, shit keep up here)) decided I needed to get drunk.  Hell, it was not like we were paying for the alcohol (uh uh uh it was comped). 

So, for my first drink ever (except for the baby picture of me with a fifth of jack, hand to god) she made me a kamikaze.

Not that kind, dumbass.  A kamikaze is a drink or shot made with equal parts triple sec, lime juice, and vodka.  I slammed that tasty ass drink down like it was kool aid.  Fifteen minutes and five shots later....I was fuuuuuucked up.  We still had to close the place and lock all the doors.  We proceeded out the back laughing and making noise.  Security was not going to say anything.  They knew we would be locking up.  Hell, sometimes we would sneak into the pool after hours and they never said a thing. 

And back to the story.  We proceed out the back door and I proceed to walk straight off the loading docks.  Luckily my drunk stumbling skills saved me from any injury.  Jumping in the car while everyone laughs at me,  I shrug it off.  Next, as the passenger in my sister's car, I have to get out and lock the gate. 

This gate is really only a bar... at about knee cap level...that, if you get rolling fast enough will run your drunk ass over.  Which it did. 

Finally we make it home.  My mom catches me drunk. 

She can't stop laughing. 

Fail.

Where the fuck...

Have I been? None of your gawd damned business that is where motherfucker.  Ok, we have established that I have anger issues. 

I realize I have been gone awhile baby, but you will take me back right?

Ah well, I knew it had been a while since I have blogged when someone from the interwebz called to check up on me. 

Ok, ok they twitted me.  Oh that sounds dirty. 

Anyfucksit, I have been busy as fuck at work and really don't have much time for the webz.  As it is, I am working 12+ hours a day.  But fuckit, I like to make huge fireballs (that's what she said?) and they pay me to do it. 

Well, I have a post to give you, and maybe something else if you come closer.

Ok, ok.  You have to excuse me.  I haven't seen the gf in quite a while and the last time I saw her I was sick.  And now....she is in London which means we don't get to talk as much either.  Wah wah wah...someone call me the wambulance. 

Ahem....moving on. 

I went shopping the other day...it was going to be a quick trip.  The store was not very crowded because it was a weekday....just like I like it.  I hate shopping for two fucking reasons....one, it costs to gawd damned much and two....I really fucking hate stupid people. 

So, here I was running through the grocery store and riding on my cart like this is the X games or some shit. 

I grabbed a few vegetable items at the front of the store and then some bread...this is where I should have been paying attention. 

Things get a little crowded at the bakery and I ditch my basket to grab the bread I want.  I quickly grab my bread and head on my way. 

I finished all the shopping and I head for the express line right by the door.  As I pull into line I reach down to start unloading...wtf is this shit. 

I noticed a couple of items in my basket that are not mine....where the fuck is my salad and what the hell...FUUUUUUUUUUU.  I grabbed someone else's basket.  Seriously?  Am I fucking stupid?  Don't say anything. 

I quickly duck turn out of line like I forgot something and head all the way back towards the beginning of the store.  Sure enough, my basket is right by the bread.  I am only assuming someone moved my basket (otherwise I am completely fucking _______ (your choice)). 

I leave the store in the knowledge that I am the stupid person today. 

Sometimes you are the shit and sometimes you are the sidewalk. 

I suck

Ther I said it.  I never get online, I never blog and I never read any other blogs.  Right now, I don't get to have much fun on the internet.  And when I do, I want to share it with you. 

I love a website called Reddit.  I don't know if you ever happen upon such a place.  I would if I ever read your blogs, but hey, I am a bad friend. 

Anyfucker, I have a reason why I love reddit. 

Who the fuck would do that.

And Chuck, I swear by everything that I hold holy ( a much smaller list than you think (shut up stupid you aren't selling this right ( oh fuck they can hear me))) that I fixed the capthca shit.  Feel free to comment away. 

Eating out

So, my titles are pretty much lies now.  We all get this right?  I would like to make you all the promise that I will post more....I really would like to.  And you could believe this promise.  Not like all the last ones.  But in all fairness I used to post daily.

Now....well, now I am about as regular as Ernest Borgnine as an extra on your favorite show....

And Shawn, your comment really hurt.  Ok not really, that would make me a big pussy.  It actually made me laugh my ass off.  That made me realize I had weird friends.  But hey, weird is the new nerd, right? 

Stay with me folks, this post is actually going somewhere.  And Chuck, I think I actually fixed the word verification thing.  Seriously this time, I actually looked into it.  Would I lie to you baby?  Forget what you read up there. 

Ok, akward moment is over.  The reason I don't post anymore is because I stay offline at work.  When they fire a bunch of people you tend to change any bad habits.  Anyway, after the fourteen hours at work you guys are pretty low on my list. 

When I do get on the computer at home I usually am Skyping the GF.  And, let's face it people, I have the attention span of the squirrel sometimes.  I could not blog and talk to GF.  It would be an epic fail.

Also, I have the insomnia for the first time in my life.  This shit sucks. 

The work schedule normally doesn't give me a chance to interact with people.  But tonight, I hit the mother lode. 

We went to a buffet.  I normally don't eat that much and don't see the appeal of mountains of food...but this place has really good coconut pineapple shrimp, bacon shrimp, crab and shrimp...

Anyway, the dinner was almost immediately ruined.  Some stupid bent brought her heathen ass child into the restaurant.  The boy was about two or three and was screaming at the top of his lungs standing in the booth. 

If looks could kill the fat cow that was his mother would have dropped dead somewhere between her second or eighth serving.  She would chastise the child but he continued to yell.  I understand children can be a hassle but if you can't control your child you shouldn't bring them out in public. 

If you have the discourtesy to breed but raise dysfunctional members of society you should fuck off.  We should shun you...yeah shun and maybe wear some sort of letter.  Yes the scarlet letter S for stupid wanker. 

Anyway, we ate rather quickly.  As we were preparing to leave I ask my son if he is ready to go.  He replies yes and that he couldn't eat in peace anyway. 

Right there.  That is the moment the I lost it.  As I walked out of the place I passed her table. 

Me:  It was unpleasant to eat with you here.

I walk away smugly.  Really?  When should we ignore politeness for the betterment of society.  She was ruining everyone's evening.  I waited at the door for my son and the woman stares at me. 

After I turned she rushes to the door.

Her:  That was very rude.

Me:  So was you not handling your screaming child. 

So, was I wrong?  Is karma going to make me her bitch?  Who the fuck cares I am tired of politely ignoring rude behavior because there might be a confrontation.  A confrontation is what we need to make things change.  When that fuck answers his phone in the theater, say something. 

And now, remember when I said my title was a lie, see it wasn't I did eat out.