What would you do...
Friday, January 29, 2010 at 1:00AM If I punched you in your face... bwahahahaha. Ok, that was just mean.
However, Badass Geek, gave me a great idea for my blog today. To be honest, I have been in a writing funk. I feel that I have been churning out more crap than GM or Apple.
But, he is giving away free buttons, and...well, I am a whore for free stuff. Also, I had something to write about and this gives a perfect entrance.
So, although the button isn't a Klondike bar (I don't care for them that much anyway) I will participate in his game.
Now...what would I do for a button? That is a hard question.
As you all know, I have written about many questionable things in the short time I have been blogging. Weed, maxi pads, raping souls. However, I have not recieved one hate mail.
I decided to kick things up a notch. I will take the high road, and.... make fun of children.
"But Dick," you say. "You already made fun of children."
To which I reply... "Shut your fucking hooker mouth before I shut it for you."
Ah, that's better.
Now, I have made fun of kids before. (Here and Here) However, that was for specific events, this...this is more a general, Kid's suck blog.
I do not want to sound like a crotchety old bastard... I am not old. However, kids these days are little pussies.
Ha...get it? Dumbass.There I said it. I think kids today are pussies.
Why?
There are lots of reasons why.
1. The only thing strong on kids these days are their mouths and the thumbs. Our kids are lazy and fat.
See. Points to fat kid.I know that children need to learn technology, but damn. Every kid does not need a cell phone.
You know what I did when I was a kid and needed a phone? I had to fucking find change or go in a friends house.
Hell, kids don't even go over to friends houses. They just play games online together. I don't care what you did in the game...it is not an "achievement".
2. They are afraid of everything... because of parents. Parents don't even let their kids wait for the bus anymore. They stay with them and wait for the bus. Even when it is not cold, I see parents waiting at the bus stop with their kids. Nobody wants your fucking kid. Hell, you didn't even want him.
Oh snap.
I make my kid walk or ride his bike to school. People look at me like I am crazy. Now I know not every parent is overprotective and shit, however, I am in the minority. Helicopter parents are driving me crazy and making pussy ass kids.
I would ride my bike with my friends and not even be home all day. Do you know what my parents did? Neither do I. But nothing bad happened because I was out of their site.
3. Children today are sheltered. The other day I heard that they were removing the dictionary from a school library? Why.... wait for it... because a student used it to look up bad words. Gasp. Shock. Won't someone think of the children... oh wait, that is what started this shit.
Raise of hands... who looked up curse words in the dicktionary (like the change?? (raises eyebrows))? We all fucking did. And we are completely fine, functional, adults. Except me.
Parents, we have to let our kids live.
Let them go outside and play...alone.
You don't have to schedule a playdate. That shit is gay. They will be dating soon enough.
So, unless you want your kids to be pussies...do what Uncle Dick says and make the fuckers walk to school...they could use the exercise.
dicktionary, lazy, little pussy, pussy
Reader Comments (16)
Oh my. Sorry, but I don't think you're going to get any hate mail from this post.
You are 100% correct. And I have kids. They are skinny, technologically retarded, and free to roam kids though.
Cheers dude. As a single parent from day one, (gasp! unmarried, had sex, got preggers, didnt want to make two mistakes and get married to the spineless fuck, NOT that my kid is a mistake, the fact that I fucked sans condom was the mistake) mine was a latchkey kid. Oh the horrors. She actually walked to and from school. And she's fine. In fact better than fine.
Uh excuse me but fuck you! Our kids aren't lazy and fat! Their BIG BONED YOU NARROW MINDED FUCKWIT!
And it is a great accomplishment getting your World of Warcraft character to a level 50 and winning a raid with your buddies.
Also, maybe I like waiting for the bus with my kid because it's really the only quality time we spend together because as soon as I get home from my eight hour shift at work I'm tired and making a home made dinner just isn't happening and you can't really have a family dinner over a microwaved dinner. therefore after I eat I go to bed or do more work so I can pay the bills. (you see there, no time for the kid, thus I walk him to the bus Don't you judge me!)
-Rebekah Mae.
I love Rebekah Mae's comment. I totally agree with her. No hate mail from me either. I've got four teenagers. Not one of them is fat or lazy. They are up on the latest technologies but they spent hours playing outside as younger kids. They'd leave in the morning, come back when hungry, leave again, come back to get hosed off and have dinner. Half the time I didn't have a clue where they were but they had the dog with them. I figured she'd let me know if they fell down a well or something.
The problem with today's kids is definitely today's parents.
♥Spot
Wow, Bekah, tell us how you really feel. I am a single parent and know how hard it is to find time/cook/not kill the kids.
Also, Spot... I totally agree. The problem is the parents. My kid is also gone for hours and I don't know where. He didn't have a dog so he would be fucked if he fell down a well.
So, just as I am thinking, lame, you already made fun of kids, I read "Shut your fucking hooker mouth before I shut it for you." Ummm, Fuckwad!!! Stop calling me a hooker.
My oldest is quite strong, hates video games, likes crossfit much more, we do family dinners, family game nightts with board games and all, yeah, most kids today suck, because most parents today are too fuckin busy reading about how to be a better parent to bother stopping to be a decent fucking parent. Spoiled ass kids get on my fucking nerves, the self righteous ones who act like their cell phone is some sort of right they have that was written into the constitution, not that half the stupid fucks know what that even is these days.
Yeah... I didn't want my kid to have a cell phone... unfortunately his mom.... yeah well let's just say we don't see eye to eye. And I didn't call you a hooker you fucking hooker. There, now I did.
Kids today are pussies. Big fat pussies. Big fat pussies that dress like trollops with t-shirts that read, "I Like Spankings." Maybe I dressed a bit whorish in high school, but if you wanted to know if I swallowed, you'd have to take me on a date (i.e. bring some beer and park behind the school).
I'm old fashioned like that.
Why else would you use a dictionary other than to look up bad words?
Oh! Oh I'll tell you how I feel, and you'll like every bit of it!
And I understand how time management can be hard as a single parent. :( (not because I have a kid, dear god no)
But because my mom is NOT a single parent and she still finds it hard to find time to cook a family meal. like wtf?
I'm really glad I didn't have access to Urban Dictionary as a kid. I'm even gladder that my brothers didn't either.
Everything you outlined above is what happens when stupid people have sex. Save the children! Kill their parents!
yes. today's kids are....different. as a mom, i am unable to call a child a pussy--yet. fatasses yes, that i can call them.
looking up bad words reminds me that our female progenitor threw away our sears catalog because my sister and i would look and laugh and maybe even use a pencil to circle the lumps in the men's underwear section.
Yeah, no hate mail on this one. Kids are pussies. And you forgot annoying, sticky, dirty, needy, and unappreciative little dirtbags. You're just going to have to try harder for hate mail.
and don't forget slutty! kids these days are WAY more whore-ish.
did that come out wrong?
i have a 12 yr old sister. she tells me things.
im gonna go now.
Congrats on winning a pin!
I remember when I was a kid and being gone ALL day with my friends, getting home just in time for dinner.
And what's this about removing the dictionary from schools? If they're going to that, they might as well remove all the computers too, or at least internet access, because I'm sure kids are looking up more than just swear words on them.